Monday, February 28, 2011

I am ashamed to admIt that I panicked a good deal more than necessary today. Dammit, I'm still sHaking, and I feel Very, very stupid. TEnsor posted her (apparently Tensor is a girl?) wArning a little after midnight, when everyone was aSleep. I think now that I was thE only one who saw it, but I just assumed someone would take Care of it, and then I woke up the next morning and it was alReady too late! There was no timE for anything, or for anyone To do anything! And I was the onlyone who knew, but I couldnt even do anything!

I... fuck, I need to get back to this. I just got home, but I need time to calm down first.

Okay, it's been about an hour, and I feel somewhat more coherent. When I found out that no one had gone to Tom and Will's  rescue, I panicked. Well, that's not true. It was when I found out that someone - another Conduit - would have to make a choice about them that I panicked, because it still seemed like I was the only one who had seen Tensor's posts. I mean, seriously, the guy has, like, four followers! How did she honestly expect anyone to play her game? I only saw it by sheer luck! But, after indulging in my panic for about 20 minutes, I finally did the only thing I could think of: I ran to Spender and begged for his help. He informed the PTC, but that was all he could do from his position.

It was at this point that I had to go to class and take a midterm. A fucking test, in the middle of all this! God, I felt like the worst kind of person, sitting in fucking class and trying to ignore the fact that someone I know could be dying right now. Not that it helped my concentration any; I will be very surprised if I got anything higher than a C+. I finished the test in record time and rushed straight home to check on things, but by the time I got back on blogger, it was already over. The PTC guys didn't get the message in time.

However, whatever Conduit they were talking about who had to make the choice, she was a smarter girl than me. Rather than killing one and hallowing the other, she chose to make both of them hallowed. While that may seem horrible, at least there's a cure for being a proxy, and there's no coming back from death. Well... at least, I hope there's still a cure, with Jeff not around. Other Keepers would know how to make it even without him, right?

Of course, the smartest thing to do would have been to not decide at all, because the rescue time limit was based on her making up her mind, but I don't know the details. She could have been under pressure, or something, I honestly don't know. I don't know how she made her choice either, because I didn't see any comments on Will's or Tensor's blogs, Tensor just informed us that the decision had been made.

Mr. Spender, I appologize for breaking down on you the way I did. It was immature and unprofessional, and I appologize for that. I'm still sort of new at this, but that's no excuse; I knew perfectly well what I was signing up for when I first logged into blogger. I promise, everyone, I will do better.

...That's all of it, I guess.

EDIT: Aaaaand now I feel like an even bigger idiot. Lesson learned: look before I leap.

Really though, this is just too bizarre for words. Disregard almost everything I've said today. Panicking was still stupid - doubly so, now - and I'm still very nervous about a few things, but... Damn. Will, you owe me one hell of an explanation!

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