its hard to remember what it was about though an enormous world of shadow A place so dark, you can't see the end everything hurt the frozen girl was fully in the abyss it melted her ice like it promisedbut it was already partially toolate the ice was the rain and it was all around her hitting every side and now it was asking her questions all kinds of dripping, acidic questions she denied them forcefully but it hurt it hurt all the time to keep herself The power of suggestion was
trying to keep music is pointless all the sounds belong to Him now all the words belong to Him now
Him... It... its hard to bother making the distinction
why did i insist on calling Him It again? i looked through my past entries for it but the reason seemed kind of stupid
a lot of the things i did seem stupid now
the cacophony in my head subsided just a little. i think i had this problem before too, but i didn't remember. memories from before kept coming back more and more i thought they had stopped. or maybe it's someone elses memories hard to tell past the screaming of the ups and downs
Pollution manifested in perpetual sound never stops, but sometimes its quieter especially when someone else talks to meEverything feels so far away from me...
i havent moved from this room in two days and no one has come to ask why no one has fetched me no one in my family remembers im here
or maybe im actually not here or theyre not cant tell anymore
invisible always invisible
so this is what Michelle felt
but I can't help the fact
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of a mistakeHe's here though He's always here still kind of far away though
whats taking Him so long?icant see sometimes but then i realize im just with the eyes shut
thatsfor fighting back i cut a tunnel through theblackness and it leaves me clear for just a moment A small spot of light floods the floor smaller each time though i try to
It's not real, I remember that. It's Unreal, It doesn't Exist I do andthelight pours over the rusted world of pretend
And the eyes ease open
And it's dark againwhat am i doing?
I'm pretending to be who I'm not anymore.
oh. of course.
Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit.
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet,
All I ever think about is this, all the tiring time between
And how trying to keepmymindfromYou
I defend against fear analyze everything turn it all inward make it yours
It hits me with depression.
I defend against depression. it'll be okay just keep surviving until tomorrow and the next day and the next that's all you need to do
It hits me with apathy.
I defend against apathy heightened empathy for others keep caring force yourself to care
It hits me with despair.
I defend against desp-
No. No defense. Hit again, and harder.
Hit with insanity.
I defend against insanity...
There was a small gas fire in my neighbor's kitchen today. It didn't spread, and was quickly put out. Barely any permanent damages, and insurance will cover the rest. The only thing that couldn't be replaced was a teddy bear, purchased on the couple's honeymoon to Ireland for the child they were planning. Said child, now a nine-year-old boy, stared up at my bedroom window, at me, the entire time he and his mother waited for his father and aunt to finish with the fire extinguishers.
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth, whispering lies
And it hurts again.
What I fear
And what I try
Words I say and what I hide
All the pain, I want it to end
But I want it again
It's still the same
Isn't worth the lie I've gained
We both know how this will end
But I do it again