Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sorry. I'm okay. I just wanted to make sure I... I'm not sure, actually. To make sure I was there, that someone else knew I was there.

Work started up again today. The kids' summer camp program, or as much of a summer camp as you can get in the inner city. That's what I was doing in Camden today: I was at work.

During my lunch break, I decided to head up to the Rutgers library to see if I couldn't look up some information about this "Devil Book" Christian seemed so interested in. I had asked Jean about it before I left home, and she gave me a few pointers, so I figured I'd start with those.

It... It was there. At the underpass. Just... standing there, sort of turning Its head this way and that, like Its around. I see It, and I freeze... albeit in a more literal sense. It was like this wave of cold swept over me, and I couldn't move a muscle.

I just... I'm trying to remember. Because the "wave" wasn't a wave in the sense that it came from any specific direction, more like it welled up inside of me. "Fear" is the first thing that comes to mind but... I can't really tell. There's something else, and I can't think straight...

A woman and her kid passed by while it happened. They turned the corner, and the monster was in plain view. The woman kept walking, obviously she couldn't see a thing. The kid stopped though. Stopped and stared. His mom hurried him along, but the kid kept watching It even as she led him all the way past, down the street.

What bothers me is... It didn't look back. The kid clearly saw It, was clearly entranced. But It ignored him. Just kept turning Its head and "looking" all around. And then after a while it just turned back down into the tunnel underpass and... vanished, I suppose.

Good news is, I wasn't frozen so long this time, maybe 15 or 20 minutes. It was being uncomfortable under the hot summer sun that woke me up, if you can believe it. I forced myself to move and ran indoors, to the campus library. I wrote that last post as a self-reminder of sorts, and then spent the remainder of my lunch hour sitting in a corner with my back to the wall, pretending to read so no one would ask me questions.

I didn't have an appetite.


  1. It's hard to keep an appetite when things like that happen. So what am I making to tempt you back to normality next time you drive up?

  2. @Kay: ...Oddly enough, my first thought was, "Nothing that makes a lot of noise when you eat it." O_o

    Really though, I don't know. What do you recommend? (I still need a date for my next visit, btw.)

  3. Oh sweetie...


    I make a really good fettuccine with Alfredo sauce from scratch. How's that sound? And really sweetie, whenever you and Nick want to be here. My door is always open for you two.

  4. Seriously, back off for a while.

    Please, its your only hope right now.

    Take some time, retreat.

  5. All's Whiggery now,
    But we old men are massed against the world.
    They walked the roads
    Mimicking what they heard, as children mimic;
    They understood that wisdom comes of beggary.

  6. Look at what we have on display: a body of flesh who thinks they understand the human consciousness. Tell me, Hakurei Ryuu, what would you have done with those who are more sane than you will ever be? What would you do with the ones who see the world in ways you cannot imagine?

    People like you assault those more evolved beings with chemicals and treatments and ideas to try and change them into something "better", when that is what they already are. When that plan falls short of your twisted intentions, you lock these beautiful people away in a white blank room where they will be forgotten by the rest of your foolish society instead of being allowed to strive.

    You, and those like you, Hakurei Ryuu, are pathetic.

  7. Well well well, wasn't I surprised to find THIS in my inbox this morning. Hello, Arsoness. Is it that time of the month yet?

    Frankly, I don't care that I'm pathetic. I kind of always knew that I am, and it doesn't really change anything. It just means I do the best I can, just like everyone else. But don't you DARE insinuate that I would sooner pump someone full of drugs and shove them in a padded cell than actually HELP them.

    First of all, I will be a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. There's a difference. The latter is an actual medical doctor, and the former isn't. One can prescribe medication, and the other can't. One also has about 2 extra digits in salary, but I don't care, because I want nothing to do with drugs. They are a LAST RESORT, to be used ONLY when everything else, up to and including frigging hypnotherapy, has failed.

    Second, don't you dare imagine that I don't see what you see. That I don't see all that's invisible around me, all the quirks and motivations, all the sadness and doubt, all the triumph and greed. I don't talk about it, but I see all of it. I'm bombarded with it every damn day. I know exactly how you think, Arsoness, and I can say with absolute certainty... you're the one who's blind.

    A year ago, you had set out on a mission to do the impossible. A lot of people thought you were the only one who could. But what have you devolved into since? The merest of demons, powered only by your own grandiose ideas. Once, you were able to coexist with your host reasonably peacefully. You protected Damien and his interests because you knew it meant protecting yourself. I had a reasonable amount of respect for you back then.

    Now what are you?

    You're a troll. And all I can do is laugh.