Saturday, September 24, 2011

trying to be invisible doesn't work very well, does it?

it's either very obvious what you're doing, or it shows through anyway, no matter what you try.


i can't help but wonder how some of you are

no thats not right

i need to

a moment

I don't have much time. There's never a lot of time between, the amount of effort it takes to focus, to throw off each new attack, is too much to sustain. It's here now. The monster. Just traveling up and down the streets, staring into houses, getting angrier and angrier the longer it takes. The entire neighborhood is wracked with depression and irrationality, but I'm the only one who knows why.

Twenty feet away and It still can't find me.

Not that that seems to benefit me much; either It's pulled out all the stops in terms of mindfuckery or I'm just weak and worn down. But that's not thegoddammit no!

Fuck. But there are children in my neighborhood, obviously. I printed up a bunch of counterfeit government notices saying there was a predator in the area and parents should keep their children indoors. But I couldn't leave my front lawn. It wasn't... It wasn't so much the threat of pain that kept me from taking a step further, it wasn't a goddamn invisible fence and a shock collar. It was a lack of desire. I wanted to stay where I was. I couldn't make myself want to leave, no matter what I did. So I emailed the notice around instead, using my mom's Women's Club account. That'll be taken as credible, but I hope to god no one replies. I deleted the record of it being sent, but still.

I hope even more that they'll listen. Every little bit helps. All the same, It doesn'tohgodthishurtsseem interested in finding new prey, It just wants me. So maybe these kids'll be left alofuckfuckfuck-

Shit I can't keep this up. Just keep moving, all of you! Stay alert, keep your heads low, and don't trust Christian. Give him the information he wants, but DO NOT trust him!

And the girl. The frozen girl. She's not that anymore, she's a


dammit this is important...

She's a singularity. She exists.


I feel like it means

i don't remember.

all i can think of is

the music

I'm not yours, and you're not mine,
But we can sit and pass the time.
No fighting wars, no ringing chimes...

We're just feeling fine.


  1. Quite a bit of improvisation there eh? Haha well try as you might, He always finds you in the end.

  2. ... Shut. Up.
    Ryuu, if anyone can pull through this, it's you. Godammit, stay alive, please...

  3. I second Elaine. Hang in there, please. Don't let it win. You can do this.


  4. It'll be repeating what the ones before me said, but, hang in there and keep on living, please.

    This is beyond my typical neutrality in these issues, but...

  5. You must be the "Valerie" Michelle talks about.

    Please, I'm only trying to help here - something Michelle desperately needs. I don't mean any harm, I'm just trying to be a friend. After all she's been through, I think she deserves that much.

    You yourself don't seem... well, I hope things get better for you. If you can offer any advice so I can help Michelle, please do so. I'd appreciate it.


  6. "Paranoia or perception?
    Put your faith in Liar's hands.
    Wanting to believe his words, but
    Never knowing where he stands."