You know... I had a feeling from the beginning that going by my regular handle was probably a bad idea, but I figured, what harm could it do? I wasn't planning on going on fucking adventures, I wasn't planning on drawing attention to myself. I just wanted to help people. I just wanted to do what I can, while I can. I knew I would put myself in danger eventually, but I knew that, I had accepted that. I thought it wouldn't matter.
My mentality is a funny thing. I spend most of my time alone, even from my family. My mom always complains that she only sees me about once a week, even though I live at home. It... It gets to the point where I really do think I'm as isolated as I act. I start thinking that nothing that happens to me can affect the people I care about.
What a laugh that is, huh? I'm arrogant enough to think that I can help strangers, but it never occurred to me that I might also be arrogant enough to think that I wouldn't hurt my friends.
It's my fault. All of it. And now I'm dragging my best friend down with me.
Oh god, Michelle, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Now it's my turn to say "No."
ReplyDeleteNo, you don't GET to put this on yourself, hun. This... all of this is all MY fault. I did it to myself. Worse than that, I did it to YOU. I can own that, alright? It. isn't. your. fault. You told me to stay the hell away. I didn't. You begged me to leave it. I didn't. AND I NEARLY GOT YOU KILLED. That's on ME... and I will make it up to you. Somehow. I'm just... glad you're alright.
You wouldn't have gotten into all this if I hadn't been so stupid. It comes down to me in the end, don't try to deny it. I don't know what'll happen next, but I won't screw up again, I promise.
ReplyDeleteBah! Quiet you! You did nothing wrong. You can't do anything now that it's happened. All you can do is make the future less of a hell. Now get on AIM so I can explain why you should stop mucking about further!
ReplyDelete"[You] help people stay sane."
ReplyDeleteBut, what will you do if you're the one to lose your mind?
You used your normal handle, I sat my brother down and made him watch Marble Hornets. We all did things when we thought this was a game that we wish to every deity there is that we could take back. Feel bad if you need to, but that don't let it overwhelm you sweetie.
ReplyDelete