Interview (of sorts)

"Your stitches are all out, but your scars are healing wrong,
And the helium balloon inside your room has come undone
And it's pushing up at the ceiling and the flickering lights.
It cannot get beyond."




It was about halfway through our first conversation, after I painstakingly explained how everything Twinkletwat had said to her was a goddamn lie and that I had been there all along, that I realized I should probably be recording this. So the transcript kind of jumps in at the middle.

-

Michelle: "You know... when... when I was a kid... I used to be terrified of the dark. Completely terrified. Everything from the monster under my bed to the thing in my closet to the creature outside my window to the thing that walked the halls of my house at night to the thing in the attic... Everything. I'd hide under the covers with Zeddy and tell myself to be invisible. To blend in. To just... ignore it. Some nights I couldn't sleep at all. They were just so loud. Hard when you're young and living in a house inhabited by the other side... they like to play games with you. I never found them funny, but they did. Especially the bad one. It... liked making me dream of waking up inside my dreams... and then killing me. But they were nothing. Nothing. They were all just humans. Dead humans. Dead humans playing jokes. I could handle that as long as I had Zeddy. But... but none of them would make a peep when..."

She trailed off for a long minute, staring straight ahead. She does this sometimes, so I didn't say anything for fear of throwing off her train of thought.

Michelle: "He was always there. Always. I can remember that feeling. I suppressed it a long time ago, but all this shit just... messed up my walls. I remember now." (Panic starts creeping into her voice here.) "Remember how I'd pile my stuffed animals all around me - sometimes I'd even put Zeddy overtop of me so he'd be hiding my head. I'd think if I was too close to the edge of my bed, that the arms would grab me and pull me off and take me away. Remember how it felt... to have Him standing beside my bed. To have Him that close. He's always BEEN there. He just---"

Me: "Michelle, just breathe. It's alright. I... I know It was around when you were a kid. I found a picture--"

Michelle: "No. No, no, no, it wasn't just then. He was ALWAYS there. Just..." (She shakes her head and laughs a bit.) "Just George. That's what we called it: George. Just a dark spirit. A guardian. A shadow out of the corner of your eye. Always there. Always watching the farm. Watching us grow up. Sometimes he was around a lot. Sometimes it would be months before we'd see him again. But it was just George. Even my dad saw it. But none of them ever thought anything of supernatural stuff. It just became a joke. As I got older... I started to like George. Made me feel like he was watching over us. Protecting us. When things got really bad on the farm... when everyone got at each other's throats and the yelling would get so loud... George would show up. Just a glimpse of black. A passing figure. Never too close. Always far. But made you think someone was there when there was no one around. He made me feel... that none of us were ever alone... that we were going to be okay..." (In a whisper) "It was all... supposed to be okay..."

Okay. A tad worrying, but nothing too unusual for a childhood haunting. I started to say so, but then she started talking again, and I didn't dare interrupt her.

This is where it gets bad.

Michelle: "He was always there. He That Is... the Black King... He was there this whole time. I don't know what it was that made me suddenly see Him as Him... but somehow it just... changed. And then He was there. Close. Far too close. He was done Watching. He wanted me to go with Him. Told me it was time. Wanted me to be like Them... like I'm supposed to be. I'm... I'm one of Them - that's what was wrong. That's what was wrong with me this whole damn time..."

Me: "Stop it. Michelle, listen--"

Michelle: "...She's a Sage and I'm one of Them... goddammit, I shouldn't even BE here - I don't know what I'm DOING anymore. I know it's true. It has to be. Daniel told me he saw Him over me one night. Saw George standing over me as I tried to sleep - as He put me through that goddamn maze again - Daniel saw Him. Saw Him as George... I... I liked George..."

Daniel, I know, was the youngest of her older brothers. They shared a birthday - August 28th - and used to joke that they were twins. I put a hand on her shoulder... and she flinched. It wasn't like her. I've never seen her like this before. Even after talking to her all day, after she had been floating in and out of sanity for over a month, she never once seemed vulnerable like that.

Me: "Michelle, what happened after you started seeing It? What happened after Bogie?"

Michelle: (A long pause, in which she alternates looking between me and the floor.) "T-The... concussion. But it wasn't that. Not really. It was Him. He would force me into the maze and... and when I'd wake up, my head would be screaming. Pounding. Make me nausious. Dizzy. My nose would be bleeding sometimes..." (She folds her arms in front of herself.) "Only when I dreamt of Him. Of... running to Him. Only then... didn't want to sleep anymore. Daniel... Daniel saw George..."

Her voice gets considerably stronger right here, like she was suddenly more alert. That happens sometimes too.

Michelle: "That's when the animals started getting picked off. Psycho... my cat... was torn in two... but she was still alive when I found her. Crying at me. Trying to claw her front half forward in the dirt. The other cat - Trouble - was turned inside out. Left hanging from the doorframe. Cows started getting sick. Torn apart in the fields. Police blamed coyotes. Then Bogie..." (She paused and seemed to skip ahead.) "Had to protect Hailey from Him after that. But He was using Zeddy... so I burnt him... th-that... that's when the hallucinations started. He'd burn me alive. Let my skin fall off. All kinds of things. It hurt. It goddamn HURT... and my mum found me in the middle of one. Screaming. Thrashing. She grounded me. He didn't like that. He took her away. Just... gone. All of you were gone. I was alone.  Then He came for Hailey and Tasha next. I was waiting, but He didn't want me to... so He punished me."

Me: "...Punished how?"

She shrinks again here, which is understandable. Her voice grew soft again too, but instead of sluggish, it got faster, on the edge of panic in some places.

Michelle: "I think... I took them. I think He made me take them. I was taking a nap... and all I can remember between that and Christian and Kent waking me up is Hailey smiling up at me. I can hear here giggling. I... I c-can... I can still feel her fingers curl around mine. A picture frozen in my head of Tanya looking at me. Terrified. Backed into a corner. It's... it's in my HEAD. I remember it, but I... I was sleeping. It had to be Him, right? He had to take them, I couldn't... I... I don't... I don't know. I don't understand it - I wouldn't hurt them. I cared about them, I... I just want it out of my head..."

-

After that point, she just sort of shook her head no matter what I asked her, so I figured that was enough for tonight. She's a lot clearer to understand than I could have ever hoped, so I don't blame her for getting lost in some places. And, honestly, the longer we spoke, the more tired she was seeming. I didn't want to put her through anymore that what was neeeded to get an idea of what happened. Anything more exact can wait for another day.

Right now, sleep. After that... we'll see.