Luck & Lies

"Close my eyes, these voices say. 
Haunting me. I can't escape.
For you - just you - time will always wait
While I throw away what I can't replace." 



I'm just... getting luckier and luckier all the damn time, aren't I?

I almost hate that fact, but... let's not go into that.


It was at the tunnel again. Early this morning, so I've had more time to calm down than I usually do. I had been on my way to work.

As soon as I... I dunno, felt It, the first thing I did was yank my earphones out and stare at my shoes. You live, you learn, you plan ahead for your reactions, y'know? And...  maybe I'm finally building up a resistance, because I remembered to whip out my camera this time. I watched through the camera screen (which seemed to work as a filter for some reason, I'll have to look into that) as the monster stood there for a while, then vanished back inside the tunnel. After what felt like forever... I screwed up the courage to look inside the tunnel.

Naturally, it was empty, but by that point, what just happened started catching up to me, and I turned the camera off and slid down to the ground.

Three times. Three times in a row that thing's been to Camden, obviously looking for something. Maybe someone. It hasn't gone by the school yet - not too close anyway - but I've got a plan ready if any of the kids start drawing suspicious pictures during center time. A bad plan, but a plan.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into it and I'm just being stalked.

...Christ, did I really just say that? "Just being stalked"? There's nothing "just" about it!

Whatever. I was... pretty upset for a while. And... wonder of wonders, but wasn't it Bashawn who found me. I don't know what it is, but that guy's got a knack for finding people in need. Either that or I was late to work again and he came looking for me.

I told him I was fine. He wasn't buying it, and I don't really blame him. But I couldn't tell him the truth. He's too nice to have his life eaten up by this sort of thing. So I bullshitted at him, and in the process, I felt a jolt up my hand (it was a very dry day, so static electricity was everywhere) and dropped my friggin camera. The thing was nearly in two pieces, with the digital screen broken almost completely off and the plastic casing cracked up the inside. That almost sent me over the edge again, but Bay reminded me that the camera was new, and probably still under warranty.

(EDIT: I looked it up when I got home. As it turns out, my camera is still under warranty, so I'm going to send it back to the manufacturer to get it fixed. It should be back in a few weeks, hopefully with all the data intact. Hopefully with no one at the manufacturing company viewing the data.)

I put the remains in my backpack, and we left. 


At work, Bay told all the kids that "Miss Valerie" wasn't feeling well, so they should be extra nice to me. And they were. One of them even made me a card. It showed me and her (the child) smiling together underneath a tree. I praised her for her creative endeavors, and her happy, missing-tooth grin was somehow worth everything.

Sometimes I don't even know how to process the kind of life I lead.